“Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?”
This is the first time I participate in the Daily Prompt… I guess I feel a little helpless right now… So here goes…
When did I last feel that? What do I do about it?
The kind of helplessness I’m talking about, is reoccurring.
You know those situations in a hospital or at the doctor’s after you had a check up, or – for the women amongst us – a mammography? And some assistant asks you to wait “a bit”? And while you are waiting for 5 minutes, 10, 15, half an hour… nobody tells you what’s going on… You ask that same assistant – sitting at her/his desk, or maybe passed you by already a couple of times – what’s taking so long and she/he gives no information whatsoever?
Well, that’s when I feel helpless, totally, terribly helpless. And there is nothing I can do about it but wait until someone ready to communicate, shows up.
That’s also the time when the most horrid scenario pops into my head, unstop-able and, the longer I have to wait, the more horrid the scenario gets. That’s when helplessness meets fear! And those two together get along soooo well! They are best pals. And they laugh at your face!
There’s little I can do about it, except, with getting older and practicing a lot, I try some visualization techniques. I go to my happy place, hoping that this mind boggling fear and helplessness will calm down. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t…
And afterwards, when the doctor finally turns up, telling that everything is o.k. and that I can go home… that “dull, sick feeling” shifts shape and turns into fatigue, numbness and I feel as if all energy has been drained from my body.
An odd feeling, but anything is better than that helpless fear or fearless helplessness.