Will this ever end?

April 19th, 2011 is marked in my brain.  I don’t need my agenda for that.
It was the day my husband took me to the doctor, and she said: “Now you are staying home, full stop!!”  I knew, deep in my heart, that I was fighting a burn-out already for a year, if not longer.

What once was my passion, my work, had turned into a nightmare. Not “over night” but during many, many months.  I yelled, cried, could talk about nothing else but my job – always in a negative way – was tired all the time, couldn’t sleep, cried again…. It was absolutely necessary that somebody finally decided for me, to get me away from that dreadful golf course, my working environment, that had been absorbing me for the last 8 years.

(for the story behind this photograph, click here for my next post)

I kept a diary almost from burn-out day 1.  I should have done that in a blog like this, but for some reason I couldn’t.   It’s not too late yet and writing it down as flash backs in this blog will help me to remember where I come from, and where I still have to go.

It’s almost a year now, and healthwise it’s not o.k., yet.  The moodswings are less frequent and the crying more or less stopped.  But apart from the mental things, the physical complaints that came with it are still alive and kicking. Panic attacks, severe hyperventillation, shingles, stomach trouble, nerve pains, back pain, neck pain… Some of these give me the impression that they are very determined to influence my daily life for ever!

But everyone assures me that I will be alright again.
It just takes time, some burn-outs much time.

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